Anyway, you – my loyal reader(s) are probably wondering why on earth I would see this movie given my history with movie genres and such. Well, I was a HUGE fan of the HBO series. I loved New York, I loved the fashion, the sex, the guys and the singledom that came with the title. I loved the characters, the acting and the writing. I experienced this show as a single lady (with the exception of like season 4). It was relatable and funny and witty and empowering. I’d go on a limb and say it was even life changing. And then it ended. With a forced ending. And then someone grabbed those shockers and brought it back to life in a movie. A movie that at least covered off on the city, the fashion, the girls and a bit of heartache – just like the show that preceded it. But then someone decided it would be a good idea to make it a sequel. And we had a pretty big failure on our hands.

I should have started this post by saying that although I am a writer by both trade and passion I am no Carrie Bradshaw-Preston. I am a loud and proud Miranda Hobbs. I don’t believe in that bullshit fairytale, I rarely let boys push me around in the sandbox and I always tell it like I see it. “Feminist bitch!” you may yell, but I like to call myself a realist. And the first movie shattered realism like I’ve never had it break before. Then this second movie made it even worse. Sometimes, you can’t polish that fucking turd. Sometimes, you have to just admit: a turd is a piece of shit.

I understand that Carrie had to “grow up” and get married like a “big girl”. But I’m sorry, a girl that is crying in Abu Dhabi because she felt like she ran around NYC like a crazy person trying to make the one guy who didn’t love her change his mind might be about to lose that one guy because she wasn’t ready to sit on the couch with him every night and eat take out in the city that never sleeps is not a big girl. She is a lost girl. Sometime between the end of Season 6 and the end of the first movie the writers lost their way. Or the movie lost their writers all together.It’s almost as though the writers had never seen an episode of SATC. Ever. Not even the lame edited versions on TBS.

There were two things that ruined this movie for me. One was the writing. Never have I ever realized how important comedic timing is and how much that falls on the writer. Lines were written for the viewing audience tonight. They were corny and cheesy with the intent to make a full house laugh out loud. Or gasp. Or groan. And it was lame. And most of the theater fell for it. I’ll admit I did too a few times until I realized what I was doing and then I was ashamed of myself. Because I know better than that. Now, the actors do take some of the blame as well for these line failures. There were points of the movie (“prince of my labia”) that were so painfully obvious it was almost as though the actor was looking directly at the camera as if to say, “I said something funny…get it? do you?” Uber. Lame.

The other infuriating thing was the lack of one important character. The pivotal character in my opinion. The one character that brings everyone together under one roof. And that is the city of New York. Granted, I missed the first 10 minutes (because I was fighting to get a signature drink from a crowded bar of “Carrie” wannabees – which I am now washing down with a nice, cold Wisconsin beer). I’m sure there was a huge pan over the city (maybe even at night so we could see the skyline) in my absence. But, really that dumb apartment on the 12th floor, that couch, that bedroom could have been anywhere, USA. And then the girls fly to the Middle East (where we learn that Dubai is SOOOO over – sorry Clair and Tim). In leaving the big apple each character lost a piece of themselves. Charlotte got stupider, Miranda became less witty, Samantha went through menopause and Carrie was an insecure, babbling idiot.

I’ve learned two three four five six important things. 1. M.C. Hammer pants will NEVER be back in style or look good on anyone 2. Girls night out should happen over drinks and NOT a movie 3. Writing is more important that I ever imagine (and I always thought it was pretty damn important…) 4. Marriage and kids are not the greatest thing (or storyline) in the world (unless you’re kids are as cool as my sister and I are) 5. I should never leave home without a flask  and 6. losing your character, as a person or a show creator, is a mortal sin.

And with that I leave you dear readers with a review of a movie that deserves nothing but a big ole bottle of Absolute Brooklyn. Yeah, this post was kinda bitchy…but at least I haven’t lost my snarky self. But I have to admit, after the monstrosities I’ve seen in the theatres lately, I’m beginning to develop a slight fear of the dark.

I went to this soft core lesbian porn movie with my sister last weekend. I know, we didn’t think Chloe was going to end up the way it did…and I’m pretty sure that everyone in the theater thought we were a couple and not related…but I digress. (no wonder no one reads my copy…) Anyway, this couple comes in a sits by me. One seat away. In a barely full theater. Which is a pet peeve. And they were noisy. And I hate that too. But the weird part was the fact that the dude (read: old dude) was wearing giant, “art director” headphones. They got settled in and about 15 minutes later the guy says, OUTLOUD…not in a whisper…Do you want to stay for this one, or try another? And with that they left the theater. Is that weird? Because I’m pretty sure it is. I’ve done this whole theater hopping thing, but I always pay for a ticket, see an entire movie, pay for another ticket (read: I have a nonexistent social life). And I’ve only walked out of one flick (read: Benjamin Button – during a sex scene nonetheless). This behavior could have been condoned if they were offended by what happened on screen, but there was no sex, no lesbianism, no affairs, no poverty or war or even a hint of Obamacare. So what gives?

Even weirder? With 15 minutes left in the movie a different couple came in, sat down and enjoyed the ending. WTF? Is this a trend I have not picked up on? It’s like reading the last chapter of a book instead of reading the whole thing (which I used to do with RL Stine books because they scared me too much).

I don’t get it.

Oh, and if you need a hot, steamy movie where 3 well known actors take little pay to ‘shock’ the audience see Chloe. Or just rent an X-rated movie and leave our sister out of it.

It’s not that I didn’t try to love movies this year.  I did clap when the Up in the Air credits began to roll (more because of its relevance and honesty than anything else). And I was entertained enough by Inglorious Basterds. And despite the unoriginal and lacking writing of Crazy Heart I fell in love with Jeff Bridges (but man, have you heard the soundtrack? did Bridges do all the writing? It’s the same lyrics over and over again.

But then I look at last year’s winners. To me, last year was one of the best years for movies in a long time. And it spilled into the summer (thank you (500) days of summer  and Away We Go for that).

Sean Penn won for Milk. A movie that had me on my feet and moved me to tears. Sad but true, Harvey Milk’s story still has great relevance in our society…and that sucks. And Mickey Rourke didn’t win. And that made me happy.

Best supporting was stacked…with the questionable nomination to Robert Downey Jr in Tropic Thunder. I mean, we all knew Ledger would take it for the Joker, but I though Michael Shannon was the only person who could give a dead man a run for his money.

Kate Winslet finally snagged an Oscar after taking home two globes for two of my favorite movies of 2009 – The Reader (and Rev. Road)

And then there was Slumdog – which I hated. But apparently I’m the only one so f. that. I didn’t hate it as much as I hated Avatar this year, so that’s something.

For the most part the nominated movies last year had one thing in common, they all revolved around story and character. Not special effects, not hype, not thrills – just story. It was filled with good writing and better acting. Doubt, The Reader, Revolutionary Road, The Visitor, Frost/Nixon, Rachel Getting Married, Vicky Cristina Barcelona – all gems in my mind!

I can’t help but think politics (of our country, not the academy) played a big part in The Hurt Locker. I thought it was ok…but it really didn’t blow me away (pun initially not intended but kept because I felt like it). Avatar was stupid…I can’t say it enough. The Blind Side was a Lifetime movie brought to the big screen. District 9 was unique and original but was missing that Oscar sparkle…it only got in because of the extended category. An Education was gorgeous and the more I think about it- it was my favorite movie of the year – it had everything I love in a movie: killer acting, great timeless energy and dialogue with twists and turns (some filmmakers really underestimate the power of words). I did like Inglorious Basterds but could never sit through it again. Precious was too depressing for me to like and I never felt an ounce of charm from the story or the characters…it made me feel dirty…I still need to see A Serious Man, but I do love a good Coen Bros. movie (not bad Coen Bros movies ie Oh Brother Where Art Thou. Up was adorable but belonged only in the animated category. And Up in the Air was so honest and true, yet it was missing something and I can’t put my finger on it. I loved when I saw it, and I still speak highly of it now but…I don’t know, I’ll let you know if I figure that out.

So there you have it, a long winded excuse to why I haven’t been writing. I’ll write again when something inspires me to do so. I hope a great movie comes along…I could use a nice, deep cry about now.

An Education

Up in the Air

Sherlock Holmes

The Blind Side

Precious

let me know what you think – and watch the Globes on Sunday!

splicegirl out.

oh and as a creative professional, I welcome collaboration – so give me your suggestions, I’m open to almost anything!

There is no depth in Avatar. Cameron takes us to the future. To a planet far, far away called Pandora. A paraplegic ex-Marine joins a team of military and scientists on this other world to drill for a precious rock and study this peculiar land. Obviously, the military people are there for the money and the scientists are there to protect the environment. Jake Sully finds himself somewhere in between as he is only on the mission because his DNA fits his dead brothers Avatar. When Sully becomes one of the blue natives (the Na’vi) he can walk again and then some. He goes undercover in attempt to learn all he can about the Na’vi and ends up falling in love with the planet, the culture and a girl.

Sound familiar? Yeah.

I’ve been bitching about this for some time now. And people keep giving me the whole, ‘there is no such thing as an original storyline anymore’ speech. I understand, but as someone who works in a creative field I know this isn’t true. I am not stupid, and I know storylines get reused and repurposed. But seriously, be a bit more creative about it. Some  may argue using very realistic (and I’ll admit extremely impressive) computer generated images is the creative twist. I call bullshit. Here is why: the theme of military power, human greed and environment awareness are not new. However, last year there was a little movie that had some of these very themes. Humans had depleted all of their resources and were forced to leave Earth for a place where they no longer had to do things for themselves. They moved to a utopia spacestation. But one little robot was left behind, one robot who continued to do his little job. His name was Wall-E. Granted this little Pixar film didn’t have the anti-military message, but a lot of the underlying tones were the same. Yet, the storytellers found a way to tell the audience to be better to their planet and not to get greedy in very few words. They gave a little trash compacting robot a big personality with little nuances that somehow managed to entertain for almost 2 hours.

I realize these movies are not the same, however it is a great example of how a reusable theme could indeed be original. That along with the fact that I’ve read articles that Cameron’s script is a replica of a 1957 (?) Sci-Fi novel about blue creatures on a planet and a parapelegic war hero who joins them after turning on his own people’s greedy ways. Coincidence? sure. Could he have read the book and been influenced? I don’t doubt it. Except he claims he didn’t and since the movie came out more than 50 years after the book, the storylines don’t get screened against one another.

All of my disappointment aside, Cameron may have failed at character and plot development, but he did create a visual piece of art. His use of computer generated images is stunning – everything was so lifelike and real…I just wish something else would have pulled me into this world a bit deeper. I don’t want to discredit the work he did over the last 12 years, I just can’t help but think – what if he had used all of these super cool technology AND come up with a kick ass story to tell with it? This movie could have been unreal. Instead it’s just a film that uses visual tactics. Could Cameron’s use of CGI change the way we view movies? Honestly, I don’t think so. The majority of the films out there couldn’t use CGI – the human contact is what makes them compelling. Ironically over usage of CGI and making things as unreal as possible (ya know, like an Avatar…) takes an element away that removes us from reality, so much so that we can no longer related. Is there a time and place for CGI, yes. But it is far from becoming the norm.

I give Avatar three and half flasks. One for being bored after 45 minutes. One for having to sit through it for another 2 hours. Another for not being engaged with characters and the half just because it was game day. I think everyone should see Avatar once. To experience this technology. But you might be surprised. Now I know this is going to show my lack of age and experience: I saw Star Wars YEARS after it released, and the first three to be released blow me away to this day. George Lucas had to build everything from scratch, he had to build a world. Perhaps this is why you feel more connected to the storyline…because he actually made it real on soundstage. Call me old-fashioned, but a green screen just doesn’t go far enough for this girl.

Tagline: There’s one in all of us

Ebert gave it: 3 stars

Based on the beloved (and award winning) children’s book by Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things enters into the imagination. The plotline stays close to the book – Max has a fight with his mother and escapes to his imaginary land filled with  lots of things to do and things to see. However, there wouldn’t be much of a movie if the script followed the 30-something page, less than 10 sentence book. Instead Spike Jonze picks a few of these pages and dives right in (kind of like that Friends episode where Joey tries to jump in the map to navigate through London). Jonze develops an entire plot line from between pages and lines…a plot that maybe we thought up while we were kids reading the book ourselves. Max encounters a set of monsters who are having trouble living in their own wild society, and is named King. He implements his own rules and day to day activities (though we don’t know how many days he is actually on this island). Through being king, Max becomes aware of his own erratic behavior and unruliness and decides it would be in his best interest to head home.

Many reviews have said this movie is not for kids, I think it depends on what kind of kids you have. If your children aren’t ever exposed to culture and art and life outside of Dora or the Wiggles, then yeah…leave them at home. But if your children are the kind that play for hours in the backyard or read a ton of books and are able to let their imagination run free, then they should be fine. (disclaimer…I’m no child expert). Spike Jonze and Dave Eggers did a great job of keeping this movie imaginative. Sure, there are scary things that happen – the waves in the ocean that Max is sailing over, the monster’s anger, the fact that Max bites (terrifying) – but it is all in his imagination. Kids think of this stuff all the time, they are just inserting a film projector in their heads and letting play out on the big screen. My absolute, favorite thing about Where the Wild Things Are is the writing. You know how kids just say stuff, and it is totally off topic and doesn’t really make sense? There is so much of this in this movie, my sister and I were cracking up the entire time (my dad got pissed, he didn’t get it. He’s an engineer, he doesn’t laugh often…just kidding…). I couldn’t for the life of me remember the book, but the illustrations stuck in my mind – I could recall the book cover exactly and the monsters that are created for the movie appear to have jumped right off the page.

Max Records, who plays Max, was amazing! I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that most of the movie is spent running around the woods and growling – two things every little boy should be good at. But this kid can act, and his interaction with the monsters is touching at times. As for the voices of the monster – every one is spot on. James Gandolfini and Catherine O’Hara were my favorites though. I’m so glad that such great actors came together to bring these Wild Things to life.

My Rating: The cinematography and writing make this movie enjoyable for kids and adults alike. Had the 1963 book not been so popular, this movie would have flopped. I love that this movie is one that can be enjoyed by many generations – and we have Maurice Sendak to thank for such a great masterpiece. Yes, it is an artsy movie, and a bit unusual – but since when does Spike Jonze do normal? Give your kids a break from the boring Disney bullshit that gets thrown at them and let them experience some culture. Plus, the Wiggles are scary.

Tagline: Every moment…love begins

Ebert gave it: 3 stars

New York, I Love You is part of an ongoing project and the follow-up film to Paris, Je T’aime. Multiple directors get about 8 minutes to tell a story about love in New York.  I believe there are 10 segments in this movie. The nice thing about shorts is that if one story isn’t to your liking, chances are another one will come around that is. This movie hits different neighborhoods and different types of people in New York.

I was a huge fan of Paris Je’Taime (as you can see here), and I’m an even bigger fan of the city of New York…however New York, I Love you fell a bit short for me. I thought this film would send me into a bout of depression, making me miss everything about this city, but it didn’t leave me feeling much. There were two shorts I really enjoyed (Cloris Leachman rocks my world) but other than that I was left feeling indifferent. One of my biggest problems with this installment was the fact that so many of the characters showed up in other shorts…I guess that’s kind of how New York is…and Disney wants us to believe that it is, indeed, a small world after all…but seriously, let’s get rid of the hokiness. I wish it would have been a bit more subtle, it would have been a bit more New York had the characters just passed through a scene.

This one time resident of New York wasn’t impressed, and I seem to think others wouldn’t be either. There is a magic that the city has, it usually has the ability to captivate and entrance and the movie did neither. With Je’Taime I was enchanted, I was pulled in – I cried and laughed and loved and all that crap…On a positive note I totally walked through the set of the Ethan Hawke  short on my way to a very hip, very happening, very dark bar on the lower east side. Didn’t realize it was for this movie…but still very cool indeed. I didn’t get captured by the camera, if I had maybe I would like this movie more.

My rating: I’ll admit, I wasn’t drinking vodka, I was sipping on some Chardonnay…but it didn’t help me enjoy the movie. New York, I Love You, I love you..but let’s just be friends, there isn’t room for both you and the city in my heart.

The Men Who Stared at Goats – Clooney could have a great start to the Oscar season with this quirky film, followed by a less lighthearted, but still witty  Up in the Air

I wasn’t excited for Precious until I saw the trailer this weekend. I’m not a huge fan of Oprah (I know, strike me dead) or Tyler Perry (or the fact that he inserts his name into almost every title of the films he makes). This movie actually looks…decent. I’ll admit, I’m only going to see it because it has already gotten Oscar buzz…but that doesn’t mean I won’t like it.

Because I’m a fan of documentaries and used to be a ballerina before a knee injury ended my career (or the fact that I enjoy ice cream far too much and can’t do a double pirouette en pointe) I am excited to see La Danse. This looks like a real life documentation of The Company – a nice movie about a dance company. I really do enjoy dipping my toes into someone else’s life for a mere 2 hours.

An Education looks to be a beautiful, cinematic masterpiece. Plus, there’s some new blood in the acting pool and those sharks named Oscar may come for a bite of their own.

As a fan of everything Scorcese and DiCaprio (though, not always together…) Shutter Island looks interesting to say the least. However, I can totally see this film falling way short…sometimes too many twists isn’t a good thing. But, if anyone can pull it off Tarantino can…but this isn’t his film so we’ll just have to see what happens.

I’ve already mentioned The Messengers, but I am so excited for this movie. With the relevant, army theme and stellar cast we have a hit on our hands.

After Chicago was adapted flawlessly and awarded accordingly I’m not sure how Rob Marshall could fall short with Nine. If I had to pick one movie to see before the end of the year, if I only had $10 to spend at the cinema, this would be the movie I would go see. Hands. Down. Daniel Day Lewis, musical, say no more.

Finally, no movie season is complete without a football movie, The Blind Side will move anyone into watching a sports flick. Sandra Bullock is stepping out of her normal shoes and trying something new on for size. Plus, I recently found out that this story isn’t an uplifting plot from the past, Michael Oher is a year younger than I am and was drafted by the Baltimore Ravens in the 2009 NFL draft. See, good things still happen in the modern day!

Got something you are dying to see? Let me know…maybe I’ll add it to my list.

Happy Viewing!